Nny is Quite the Little Lover
by Mrs. Terwilliger
Summary: I parody your NnyDevi stories. If you want your story parody'd, review and tell me. Read default chappy before spitting in my face.
1. Default Chappy

DEFAULT CHAPPY YOU SICK FUCKERS

Note to you people: I love Devi/Nny. I have nothing against it. This is not making fun of it. It's just a parody of all those Nny/Devi fics out there. So shut up and leave me alone.

Why hello, you random audience people. I have something to say. So pay attension. Or not... to tell the truth, I don't really care. But if YOU do, then keep reading. This story is just a "Nny has a twisted sense of romance" story. It's just for fun. I don't want to affend anyone. You know those stories where Nny is so nice and such a great lover-guy and sweet and stuff? Yes?

Have you written one?

Do you have a good sense of humor? AKA seriously fucked up sense of humor?

Would it be okay if I parody'd your story? Once again I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF IT. I love Devi/Nny.

Now you are thinking, "What the hell? What do you mean parody?" Well, here's an example.

You're story: Devi meets Nny in the 24/7. She gets a little freaked out and leaves. Nny stands there looking stupid but meets her again in the story and Devi forgives him or something blah blah blah.

My Parody: Devi meets Nny in the 24/7. She gets a little freaked out and tries to leave. Nny stopps her, grabs her and puts a knife to her throat.

"DO YOU WANT A FUCKIN' BRAINFREEZY?! CUZ I'LL BUY YOU ONE IF YOU WANT ME TOO!!! ANSWER ME DAMMIT!!!!"he screams.

"YAAAAH!!! LET GO OF ME YOU FUCKER!!!!" Devi screams.

"OH GOD THE MONKEYS POSSESED YOU DIDN'T THEY?!?!?!?! THOSE BASTADS!!!!" Nny screams some more. He starts to shake Devi violently. "PIAN IS THE CLAENSER!! PAIN IS THE CLEANSER!! OH YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!! Hey... I need a brainfeezy." He then walks off to get his freezy, leaving a very freaked out Devi behind him. Who then runs off screaming like hell.

"HEY! YOU FORGOT YOUR BRAINFREEZY!!! Ah well... more for me! Hey," Nny asks the guy at the counter, "Do you think she likes me?"

Then follows this akward silence in which the counter guy is very much afraid that this crazy guy is gunna kill him if he says, "Lord no, are you nuts?"

The oh so very messed up end.

So... do you want me to fuck up your story? If so, review and tell me so. If no one says anything for like thre days then I will go on with my life and deleate this, because i seriously don't care. I just have too much time on my hands.

If you want your story to be parodied here, I assure you I will leave every freking credit to you that I can think of. If not, get the fuck off of here and go flame someone else who cares. ((shoots you horrible flamer in the head)) Thank you and goodnight!


	2. November Rain

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This story is based on the fanfic November Rain by PhantomVarg. It is seriously one of the best Nny/Devi fics out there and I suggest you to read it. RIGHT NOW. It honors me to know that I am given the privelige of fucking it up. To read the story, click link below.

you just wanna read my version, be warned. LOOK BELOW YOUR ASS. It's there isn't it? HA! Bet That was pretty freaky, huh?

**November Rain**

Shit. Today was pretty fuckin' dark. Like, the EMO kind. OH GOD RUN AWAAAY!! YAAAH! Not only THAT, but there were rainclouds overhead. If this didn't add to the ultima emo effect, then I'm a prep. I mean, come on, search "emo" on deviantart and I swear you'll get like 60 pictures of rainclouds.The rest of the pictures are just dudes cutting themselves. Oh--oh! but not only THAT, but there was all this cold wind. It was so cold it killed this hobo. Poor hobo... Dead leaves covered his dead body. In his will of dead-hobo-y-ness, I believe he said he wanted to be burried in Rhode Island. I've never been to Rhode Island... ehem. Getting off topic. Well, after all the park visitors saw that hobo die, they all got seriously creeped out and left. No one was in the park of hoboish death.

OR SO IT SEEMED. DUN DUN DUUUUUUH!!! Plot development!

There was this one dude. Slowly and silently, he trekked along the deserted paths. He accidentally stepped on the hobo.

"_Oh crap_," he said, "I stepped on a hobo." Because we all know NOBODY likes to do that.

He looked around a bit to see if anyone had noticed he had commited the horrible crime of stepping on a hobo. No one had. With every step he took you could hear this clanging metal sound like... some kind of guy... who... carries around metal. Wow, I'm just amazing with my similies, aren't I? OH WAIT A SEC!! I sounded like weapons. Escecially since a occational wepon would whisper, "Hey you... I'm a weapon."

Wait a second... WTF?

And oh my God, this guy was so friggin' thin and tall... it was creepy. He had sullen eyes and...why am I doing this? Any respectable JTHM fan knows who this is alredy. I mean, come on.

**Johnny C**. (Duh) shivered bitterly, pulling his coat closer to his thin body. The rain had made him cold and breifly made him emo. Rain tends to do that to people. Damn brainwashing rain. His head hurt, and his breathing sounded uneven as he walked. I have this sudden urge to hug him. Don't you? I mean, wow. He's just so cuddly.

He had just come beck from his "vacation". It sucked. He went all that way to get cold and it was all for nothing-- look, he was cold now. He was fucking freezing. He could have just stood in the rain to get cold--or stick his head in the freezer. Why hadn't he thought of it before?

Well, his house didn't have a fridge, so he decided to leave and get cold outside instead. The coldness of the whole outside thing got him a bit drugged, thus having no idea where he was going. All he could see were the emo clouds. OF DOOM!!

He was free from a bunch of crap, but his toenails were still trying to posses him. Damn them.

Reverend Meat's words whispered in his brain…

"_There is no choice. You're always a slave to something…"_

Those words and when he said he'd gotten laid before. That was just gross.

Then Nny suddenlly got ATHSMA!!! and coughed a bit. Uh... yah.

He then remebered about a certain girl who wanted to kick his ass, She was sexy, and it was quite unfortunante that she wanted to kick his ass.

"Devi…"

Of all the memories of his past, the thought of Devi hurt him the most. They had met at a bookstore, where she worked. They had shared many conversations, talking about everything they could think of.

Like, Devi would say, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

And Nny would say, "Because he was gunna get KILLED!!! NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

From books to art, they found that they saw eye to eye in nearly every subject. Except disembowelment. That was Johnny's thing. Johnny missed her terribly. Her image was engraved in his mind(literally, he got a tatoo of her on the back of his head.

Johnny's eyes began to sting with tears as he recalled their date. There are many differnt, more poetic ways to describe it, but we're just gunna go with: he tried to kill her and she kicked his ass.

He had tried to apologize to her over the phone. He had wanted to make things right again. He had wanted to start over. But she had refused his apology. Devi had refused _him_... She refused his _sexy manliness_... How could this be?!

"Devi…" he choked. "I miss you… so much… OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!" God that was an awesome squirrel. It was beautiful. Perfect in every way. Squirrel... Ehem.

For the first time in a long time, Johnny was crying. Because damn that squirrel was SO beautiful. And so he killed it and walked off. What did you expect? Same senario with Devi. 'Cept Devi wasn't a squirrel. Nny wished she was though, he loved squirrels.

--

Unknown to Johnny, or the dead squirrel, another person wandered the streets that night. It was Devi. WOW. She didn't want to leave the security of her home. But she was out anyway because she was a REBEL, BABY! Anyway... after all, _he_ was still out there. AKA Nny. That psycho killer guy. She was not far from the park. It was cold and rainy weather, with an icy wing gusting every now and then. It felt... emo, somehow. Devi hugged her coat closer to her body, shivering slightly. (DEJAVU'!!!)

She glanced over her shoulder every once in a while. Everywhere she went, it felt like _he(JOHNNY, MORONS)_ was always there, waiting in the shadows. Little did she know that he WAS waiting in the shadows. Devi almost expected him to step out of the shadows, knife in hand and kill her.

Then Johnny stepped out of the shadows, knife in hand, and killed her. Nah, I just kid. That WOULD be funny if that happened though.

But, even though he had tried to kill her, Devi couldn't help but feel like she… _missed_ him.

_Damnit Devi, _she thought. _He tried to fucking kill you! Why are you thinking of him so much! Oh look, a squirrel! Heehee_

All the Devi bashers in the audience agreed, becuase they wanted Johnny all to themselves. He is HAAAAAWT!!

And then all the bloody squirel humpers clapped at the reference to squirrels they could hump.

Devi didn't want to admit it, but she did want to hump the squirrels too. Johnny was good too. Yah. How could someone who was that nice turn so violent almost instantly? _There must have been something wrong with him, some disorder in his mind. But what?_

OH! OH! I KNOW! HE HAS THE CRAZY VIRUS! IT MAKES HIM CRAZY! (all stupid fangirls agree.)

She sighed, trying not to think of the crazy fangirls that were staring obsessivly at her from across the park. They were starting to freak her out a bit.. Lowering her head, (away from the creepy fangirls) Devi glanced at the watch on her wrist.

It was 1:15 in the morning.

Growling to herself, Devi turned around, and began walking back to her apartment building. She was tired and cold, and just wanted to get back inside, where it was safe. She stared at the sidewalk, still thinking of Johnny, and wondering what had become of him. The answer: Crazy virus. But SHE didn't know that. Oh no, not her.

But as she walked, Devi failed to notice the three dark shadows that crept silently behind her, waiting for the right moment to attack…

Wiping the tears from his eyes, (_GOD, THAT BEAUTIFUL SQUIRREL..._) Johnny walked out of the park entrance gates, and into the downtown area. He didn't want to be seen. BY THE SQUIRRELS!! They read porn, you know.

Okay, now the cold was starting to get to him. It was just so goddamm COLD. He was gunna leave this coldness of coldy cold when a voice in his head said... _look behind you. There's some pretty funky crap goin' on._

Three penguins were walking along a wall. They snickered to each other. It looked like they were stalking someone. Johnny vaguely wondered what the hell penguins were doing out of the zoo and why they were stalking people. But this isn't about the penguins. It's about hair. I have hair. Do you?

_Curious,_ Johnny thought. _Very curious…_The Amazing Parody Authoress thought she had heard this somwhere before, but she couln't remember where. She she just muttered "fuck this," and ran off.

Johnny skulked behind them. Cuz that's just what he does. Sulk. He kept a far distance between them and himself, making sure he was completely undetected. The three penguins came to a stop, whispering to one another. Johnny ducked in a dark alley beside a nearby building, watching from afar. (heehee, Ilike that word. Afar...) His dark eyes narrowed as he tried to catch a glimpse of who these penguins were following. He could see that it was a young woman, and she looked oddly familiar…

Johnny gasped, his eyes becoming huge with shock.

_Oh God…Devi…D_..._ Last name unknown_..._ just like mine_..._ we're very mysterious_..._ I used to watch Mysterious Mysteries when I was little_..._ I liked that show_..._ Wait, I'm getting off topic_..._ where was I? Oh yah_..._ Oh God_..._ Devi_...

--

Devi sighed as she passed an old, ramshackle building. She was cold and tired, and wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep. Quickening her pace, she continued to walk down the street.

The she heard a cold, ominous voice call out to her.

"Hey, lady? You got the penguin-filled time? Cuz we're penguins. Heh, get it?"

Devi froze on the instant, turning slowly. Behind her, three shaped emerged from the shadowy alleyway. Three penguins stood before her. One had bleached blonde flippers and a stocky little beak. The other was much taller, with light brown flippers that... flipped alot. But it was the one in the middle that terrified Devi most of all. He was muscular(don't ask), with dirty red flippers and cunning, evil face. Penguins tend to look evil. Damn you penguins. All three penguins had a glitter of cruelty in their eyes. They were pretty gangsta. In her terror, Devi couldn't find her voice.

"I said," the red-flippered hissed, "do you have the time?"

Devi swallowed, and spoke, stuttering in fright. "N-no," she lied, pulling the sleeve of her coat over her watch. "I don't. Sorry." God, penguins are scary. Even if they ARE gangsta.

She turned to leave, but a cold flipper on her shoulder stopped her. Devi's body went ridged.

"Aww, too bad," the blonde-flippered cooed. "Well, miss, maybe you could help us in a different way…"

They began to crowd around her, cornering her in the alley. Devi's eyes widened in pure horror. Fucking penguins. STAY AWAY FROM MY WALLET!

_This is it… I'm gonna die…Save me, Spider-man!_

--

"Oh, God… no!"

Johnny watched in horror, hate beginning to flow through his veins. At his sides, his hands tightened into fists, his fingernails digging painfully into his palms. He gritted his teeth in a snarl. This would _not_ happen to her, not while he was there. Because... he WAS Spider-man! YAY, SPIDEY!

Breaking into a run, Johnny charged toward the scene as the rain began to pour down once again.

--

Devi gasped as the red-flippered pulled a small knife from his pocket.(Yes, penguins officially have pockets now) He flicked the blade up, smiling at it.

"I love this knife," he said, running his fingers along the blade. "Mmm, yes. Nice and sharp. Tastes like bubblegum. Perfect for what we have to do, eh, boys?" He snickered to his companions, who laughed stupidly in response. Then, to Devi's horror, he held it over his head, preparing to eat it. Penguins like bubblegum.

Devi shut her eyes tightly, because this was getting pretty weird…

Then, out of nowhere, a hoarse voice sounded.

"Don't you _dare_ eat that! God, what's wrong with you?!"

Devi opened her eyes, glancing behind her attackers. A tall, horribly thin man stood there, shivering in the rain. His face was entirely in shadow, sealing his identity. His hair was disheveled, his clothes soaked in rainwater. He was dressed completely in black, with knee-high boots and a black trench coat. She knew who it was. Therre was only one other explanation. It was SPIDER-MAN!!!

"Oh," said the red-flippered. "You mean like _this?_" He flicked the blade lightly across his tongue, drawing blood. Devi winced in disgust. Just in case you don't goto the zoo much or have no clue what a penguin is, just for your information, penguins don't usually do this.

The stranger stood still for a moment. Then, quick as a flash of lighting, reached into his coat, and pulled out a knife. It's long, silvery blade gleamed dully in the half-light. He held it at his side impatiently, as if restraining himself.

"Do that again… and I'll tear you apart."

The shorter, blonde male scoffed. "Oohh, we're running home to our mothers," he said, sarcasm heavy in his words. (FYI, he lives with his mom. TELL NO ONE.)

"Put the knife back now, and I won't kill you."

The threesome glanced menacingly at Devi, and then turned back to the stranger. INSERT INTERESTING CRAP HERE! I hate fucking penguins. They argue with me. Oh yah, and they argue with Nny. Hey, that rhymes!

--

As the two attackers began to rush toward him, Johnny sprinted forward, knives at the ready. In less than a second, he killed them all. I mean, God, they're penguins. What do you think? That they have magic powers? This isn't Harry Potter.

There was only one penguin left now. That weird one with the knife.

"We'll meet again, SPIDER-MAN!" he shouted, and jumped out a window that had magically appeared out of nowhere.

"Uh, well... fuck," Johnny said, and scratched his nose.

--

Devi and Johnny stared at each other for a moment. Then Johnny grabbed a penguin and cut off his head. Then he ripped out the brain and shoved the skin on his head like a mask. "Lookit me, Devi! I'm a penguin!" Johnny giggled.

"YAAAAAAAAH!!" Devi sreamed.

Then Johnny ripped the flippers off one of the penguins, held them, and started flapping them around like a penguin, giggling madly. God, he's so crazy. Suddenly, he stopped.

"My Spidey-Sense is tingling!" he shouted and started climbing up a nearby alley wall.

"No! Wait! I must know who you are!" Devi cried.

"You know who I am..." Johnny said.

"Who?" Devi asked.

"You're friendly neihborhood Spider-Man! Now let's make-out upside down!" Johnny said. But alas, It was never meant to be. The magical window portal opened again and the penguin that escaped through it through a melon at Johnny's head. Johnny fell down, unconcious.

"THAT'S FOR BEING A BASTARD!" the penguin screamed. Then he ran off.

Devi bent down and took of the penguin's mask to see Spider-Man's secret identity.

What she saw made her reel back in terror.

The unconscious man in front of her was Johnny C.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED MY FATHER!!" Devi screamed.

Johnny opened one beady eye and hissed, "No, Devi, I_ AM_ your father."

"EEEEW! SICK!" Devi screeched and ran off.

Johnny groaned an sat up. Then he muttered, "If this wasn't so fucked up, I bet it'd make a great fanfiction..."

How true that is, Johnny... How true...

Please! Review and tell me how very messed up I am! And tell me if you want me to do your Nny/Devi! PLZ!!


	3. The Oprah Winfrey Show from HELL

God, I love doing these things. The next story is the The Oprah Winfrey Show from HELL. It's hilarious. If you like Nny/Devi and comedy and you haven't read this yet, you are a moron.Go out and read this before I kill you. There isn't an overload of Nny/Devi in this, so I only destroyed chapter 5, where basically all the wonderful LURV is. The rest of the story remains untainted by my evil touch of supidity. BEHOLD!!

The Oprah Winfrey Show from HELL

By... not me. By CamelofDoom.

Blah blah blah... stuff happens here that involes Jhonen and Nny getting sucked into the Oprah Winfrey Show and getting tyed up blah blah blah blah blah blah something about Oprah being fat blah blah blah blah BLAH...

Oprah smiled a smile of PURE FATTY EVIL!! "Let me introduce our new guest, Devi!" Oprah screamed with joy, crumbs falling from her lipstick-smeared mouth.

'Uh Oh...' Jhonen thought, looking at Johnny. Johnny was mentally adding random people in the audience to his hit list. Then he started to think about how much he wanted that Fiz Wiz and A Single Tear ran down his face. Of course, no one knew this was about the Fiz Wiz, so everyone was all

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAW LOOKIT HE LOVES HER AND HE'S SAD CUZ SHE DOESN'T LOVE HIM THAT IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE!!!!"

The audience clapped, and hollered at Devi as she came into the stage. Her eyes landed on Oprah and a look of disgust crossed her face (cuz she's fat. Nobody likes fat people. It's so sad.) Then her eyes traveled to the other occupants. There was a red haired man she had never seen before with something sticky in his hair, and there was...

Johnny C.

Everyone suspected Devi to run at him screaming with a can of mace, but she didn't. Instead a look of sadness (AAAAAAAW vomits) crossed her face. She sat next to him. Johnny started to think about the things Happy Noodle Boy screamed and a look of confused happiness crossed his face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed.

"Johnny... I want to tell you something. I... I forgive you. I was so angry when I listened to your message that... that I didn't really listen. Listen to what you were saying, I mean. You really blah blah blah blah blah... I didn't appreciate blah blah blah blah blah... I just hope you can still forgive me. Blah blah blah?"

"...what?" Johnny asked. He had barely heard a word she said.

"AAAAAAAAAAW HE'S SO HAPPY HE'S CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone cheered. Isn't it amazing how stupid people can be?

"Wow. That was very unexpected." Oprah said as she stared at Johnny and Devi. Johnny was starting to wish he had actually paid attension to what Devi was saying.

"...well?" Devi asked him. Johnny was now under the impression that it was his turn to say something.

Which was extreamly embarrasing due to the fact that he basically ignored her untill just now and had no idea what to say.

"Uuuuh..."

Just then, six evil penguins ran into the studio and started eating bubblegum knives and cussing at people. The tallest one pointed at Nny. "I AM HERE FOR MY REVENGE, BASTARD!!"

"What the hell? You stupid penguins were in the last chapter! Get lost!"

"NEVEEEEEEEEER!!!!!" the penguin chanted, and started slapping random people. Then these big muscular dudes came out of nowhere and threw them in the dumpster... but not before the tallest one threw a knife at Nny. The knife hit the ropes and bounced off ( I dunno it just did... shut up.)... landing right on Nny's lap.

Time seemed to stop. Everyone looked at Nny, and then the knife. Everyone seemed to be filled with this great big balloon of ph33r. Yes, ph33r. Not fear. That's how afraid they were.

Nny's coolness had officially dropped to zero. He was now a seriously creepy phsycotic insane dude... with a knife.

Nny looked at the knife. And looked. And looked. Then he manuvered his hand to grab the knife and cut his restraints.

Nny stood up _ever_ so slowly and turned to face the audience. Then this reeeeally creepy smile formed on his face. What was everyone thinking? The answer: _Oh shit._

_LALALALALA A HELL OF A LOT OF TASTY GORE LALALALA_

(A/N:Well, lots of people are getting killed right now... so... while Nny's wrapping that up... We have something else to entertain you! Behold!)

_And now for something compleatly different!_

"Mama! Mama, I can't feel my arms!" cried the baby. The baby was green and filled with Barbie doll heads and whale guts.

"Ish okay honey, I've got super powers! WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" cried his mother and flew out the window. The End.

_Back to the story..._

Johnny had brutally massacred everyone in the building. Except Devi and Squee. Cuz we like them. Anywaaaaaaaaaaaay... Evenone's guts were everywhere and stuffs... annnnd... yah. Gore. Johnny was covered in gore too, and pigs flew around the room for no apparent reason. Wow, THAT was random.

And this rapper walked in and was all, "Yo, fo shizzle in da hizzie." And then we was all, "Yo dude, you're like, soooo incredably stupid right now. You gunna piss off the king of sexiness, yo." And Johnny did kill him, and everyone cheered because no one likes rappers who say "fo shizzle." Cuz that's just weird.

Devi sat there, tied to the chair, and just looked at Nny. Her mind went blank. She had just seen the man she LUUUUUUURVED slaughter about sixty people. How lovely.

Squee, on the other hand was covered in vomit. It's okay, it's his OWN vomit, but it's still vomit. He'd fainted from loss of... um... vomit. It happens sometimes, you know. People need their vomit to be healthy. Getting off topic again...

"HEY DEVI!!" Johnny called from across the room. He was so covered in blood he looked like Carrie from... uh... Carrie. Only it wasn't pig's blood. "HEY!! HEY!! HEY!!!" he called, waving his hands enthusiastically at her, a stupid grin on his face. Now, imagine what you would do if you saw Nny, covered in people guts, waving at you and smiling. Ya, exactlly. Nny is quite the little lover, ain't he? "DEVI!! HEY!!!'

"WHAT?!?! OH GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE!! YAAAAAAH!!!!" she screamed, trying to get the hell out of there.

Johnny jogged up to her with that goofy smile still plastered on his face. Once again, Devi was frozen in fear. Dude, this guy KILLS people. Wouldn't you be scared?

Crazy Fangirls: NO!! 

Me neither!!!! YAAAAAAAAAY, HE'S SEXY!!!

Anyways... Nny held out a hand to her, like to give her something. Devi looked in his hand and screamed. There was a heart there. An actual HEART.

"Like it?" he asked her. "I saw people giving them to ech other on Valentine's Day, but, I mean, the hearts were fake, and... who wants a _fake_ heart? Not me. Here ya go!" he said cheerfully, plopping the heart in Devi's lap.

I'm afraid to say Devi died of shock. And Nny ate her body. DUN DUN DUUUUUUH! Wait... why would he do _that? _He hates body fluids. Mabey he wanted to immortalize the moment even MORE and... no. That's stupid... how bout we just say he's crazy and leave it at that, k?

Wait a second... ew.. he ATE her? That's just GROSS. Why did I write _that?_

A/N: Uuummmmmmmmm... yah. Please, don't ask. That was just WEIRD, I know. Anyways... you know the drill. You wants me to fuck up your story? You know I will. Ph33r me. I have chocholate versions of Moose and you can't have them, nyah.


	4. Fictional

This is a parody of the story Fictional by Xx-Mizz.Maniac-xX, but what the hell is a kind of a name is that?Fictional?? So I renamed this story ELMO THE CHILD MOLESTOR. Yaaay, Elmo.

I do not own this story. I am a moron. Thank you, and goodnight.

Johnny had seen some pretty horrible stuff in his days... like ass rape... ass rape... and ass rape... but he had never seen a cow fart in his face. Oh, how he wanted to see that cow fart. Johnny suspected that this was one of the reasons he got landed in a mental institution.

After few years of sitting on that cell, he eventually gave up on the whole cow fart thing. Instead, he started thinking about... Devi. Cuz he likes BIG BUTTS that cannot lie. No, I kid. Actully, I think he's the small-butt kind of guy... oh, nevermind. But after a while he stopped thinking about her. Beause this story isn't really about her.

He was safe. He was Safe. Safe from ELMO. Damn him. Fucking child molestor. He leaned against the padded wall of the insane asylum's cell and whispered to himself, "I'm Free..."

Meanwhile Devi D. looked at the clock on the wall in her apartment. 5:00 pm. She continued with her painting. It was of the nightmare she had had the night before. It was the reoccurring nightmare of the night she had almost died. It replayed over and over in her mind.

The doorbell rang. Devi awoke from her thoughts and went over to the door. She looked through the Peephole. She saw Tenna waving insanely. Devi sighed. It was the same thing everyday. She rolled her eyes and opened the door. Tenna smiled politely.

"What is it this time Tenna?" Devi asked impatiently.

"I brought cha some... _SALTEEEEEEEEED_ NUTS!!! " Tenna replied, opening her head like a cap and showering Devi in salted nuts.

"GIR!! Come here!" said a little green alien-man.

"YES MASTA!! NYAAAAH!!" Tenna screamed, chasing after the alien like she was high. They ran off into the sunset together.

And then another Tenna came up to Devi, dressed in a Powerpuff Girls outfit. "Don't ask," she warned. "Anyways, I brought you some movies! HORROR! To remind you what WOULD'VE happened if you hadn't kicked Johnny's arse! Yaaay, I'm evil!"

Devi frowned. "Tenna... what's wrong with you?! I told you any horror film involving serial killers will give me a freaking heart attack. Do you _want_ me to die? And anyways, I'm in the middle of a painting. And I want to get it done tonight."

"Ooooooooooooooooh Let's see!" Tenna said joyfully as she pushed through and went into the apartment. Somewhere, far, far away, pigs danced to On a Hymnsong of Robert Lowry.

"It's not finished though!!" Devi said as she slammed the door shut and locked it up.

"I don't care! I LOVE your paintings finished or not!" Tenna grinned.

"Well it's a kind of personal one. Almost like Sickness yet it's based on a dream... a dream thats based on

the past reality..." Devi said shyly.

"Don't be silly. I've seen sickness!! I can SOOO see this one! Whaddya call it?" Tenna asked Trying to take a peek at the canvas.

"I-I don't really have a name for it yet." Devi looked frantically around the room for something to distract Tenna with. And she found it. A... DILDO!! What the _hell_ was a dildo doing in Devi's house?! Oh God, I don't wanna know...

Meanwhile on the other side of town... Todd poked his fork at his breathing casserole. Yes, it was breathing. Shut up. He hated casserole especially if it looked like it was going to walk off his plate and eat everyone. And then it did. Yes, the cassarole walked off Todd's plate and ate everyone. It was pretty freaky.

And then Shmee walkd in, sipping a soda. Yes, he can walk now, in MY magical land! "OH MY GOD!" Squee screamed, dropping his soda. "I WILL DESTROY WHO EVER DID THIIS TO YOU, MY LOVEEEEEEEEEER!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" Then he ran out of the house, screaming something about fried, spicy pigskins.

Back at the insane asylum, sitting in the padded for walled cell in a straightjacket splattered in chocolate BUNNIES (oh no!) was Johnny himself. Cackling and laughing hysterically.

"IM FREE!!! IM FREE!! FINALLY HEEHEEHEEEHHEEEEE!! FROM THAT _FUDGING_ CHILD MOLESTOR, ELMOOOOOOOOOO!!!" He smiled insanely.

Assistants and people walking by the cell looked in curiously then started to quickly walk as far from the cell as possible. You see Johnny was probably more insane than everyone else in the asylum COMBINED! Years of insanity built up into this creepily insane killing machine we know as Johnny.

Johnny was happier now. He felt so much more relived but just as he was enjoying this happiness it all came crashing down and he remembered the one person who could make him happier... that farting cow. Damn.

Devi pushed Tenna out into the hallways of the apartment building. "PLEASE TENNA I WANT TO BE ALONE TONIGHT!" she yelled and slammed the door in her best friends face.

After she had locked the door up again she leaned against it and sighed. She didn't feel like painting anymore. She was tired. She looked at the clock, only 7:45 pm. She had been trying to get Tenna to leave for over an hour and now Devi was finally alone. It turns out Tenna wasn't a big dildo person, soo... EW. DILDO.

She walked over to the window that faced the other side of the city. Where she presumed Johnny still lived. She hadn't come out of her apartment in what seemed like years. She remembered that Johnny never really liked to sleep. He had thought of it as a waste of time. He had called many times after the incident to apologize and say "he's changed (his diaper... heehee.)" but Devi couldn't believe that. Some people can never change like a homicidal maniac bent on killing everyone in his path. Yet some people like her do change. She was once a fun loving young woman who liked coming out of the house but after her date with Nny... After he had almost killed her! She was just too afraid. (to change her diaper. Heehee!)

She looked out over all the lights of the city and wondered... is he thinking about me? Am I thinking about him? Oh wait... yah I am. No freaking duh. God, I'm stupid. I think I'll go dance to Mexican music now.

Meanwhile... Nny sat repeating one name over and over, "Elmo...Elmo...Elmo...ELMO."

Then The Burger King Man came in. He walked over to Nny and held out a burger to him.

"I'm not hungry," Nny replied.

The Burger King Man nudged him with the burger.

"NO, Mr. Burger King Man, I'm obsessing over Elmo for no apparent reason. Go away."

The Burger King Man bitch slapped him for not eating the delicious burgery goodness and walked away.

_There's only on thing to do now..._ Nny thought. _SING KARAOKE!_

Nny jumped up and slapped his butt. "I'm furgalicious... BUT I'm not permiscuos, and if you are suspicious, all that shit is fictious. I blow kisses, (muah muah) and bring those boys to rock-rock, and they're lining down the block, just to watch what I got. It's so delicious. (those boys think I'm hott hott!) I'm fergalicious. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" he sang/said, and sat down.

"NO, NO, NO. That was ALL wrong," said Simon, who had materialized out of nowhere. "You sounded like a fat gorilla during mating season."

"FUCK YOU! I SOUNDED BEAUTIFUL!" screamed Nny angerly. Then he got out some knives, because that's what Nny does. Get out knives.

"No! Don't kill me! My blood is sand and Jello!" pleaded Simon. It turned out, his blood really WAS Jello, which Nny found out when he chopped him up into a million peices. Then Nny ate the jello. It was lime.

Millions of bad singers around the world rejoiced.

Shmee was on his crusade of evil crime-fighting-revenge-thingy. He magically turned into Godzilla and ate Tokoyo. I'm serious. Watch the news tonight.

Meanwhile Devi awoke to the ringing of the phone. She watched it for a while and then the answering machine picked up.

"Hey Devi. It's Tenna. Call me!!" and she hung up.

Devi groaned and stretched. She didn't go to bed until 3 AM, even though she was really tired last night.

'SHIT! The painting!!!' Devi thought to herself.

She ran out of her bedroom and looked at the unfinished painting.

She ran her fingers down the now dry painted canvus and smiled. 'I wanted to finish it last night... but I was too tired..' she said in her mind.

The painting was already beautifully tragic. In it, was a simple painted portrait of Barney. She had a really freaky obbsession with him. You know at the begibbibg where it says she was painting about the night she almost died? Well, it turns out that her Barney obsession had gone a little far one day, and so she ran into the set where they make Barney sreaming like a crazy fangirl and almost getting beaten to death by security. NOW YOU KNOW. She was plagued with the same Insanity that was taking over Nny. Only instead of Elmo, it was Barney. Freaky, huh? Lots of relly interesting things would have continued after this point about how Nny and Devi get together again and how they were so happy and blah blah blah, but just then Godzilla/Shmee came over and stomped her apartment into the ground. Then it went over to the insane assylum and stomped it into the groung too because he wanted this stupid story to finally end. And it did. The end. 


	5. Vaccine Melidean

Um, I'll be updating less frequently now... sorry. Cuz, well, my parents cut off my internet.

Why? Well... let's just go on with the thingy, please?? ((sobs))

_Vaccine Melidean...bySweet and Sour Sauce._

I'm laying here naked (Don't worry, she's wearing undies.) in my bed, staring at my clock-10:41. _I should get some sleep._

"HEEEE_EEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!_"

"HOLY SHIT OMG GET OUT OF HERE!!!" screamed our dear narrator as she tried to cover herself up. Because, alas, although she had on undies, there was no bra. Guys, in case you don't know, being caught without your bra on is a BAD thing. BAD.

And who is our friendly perpetrater? Why, SPIDERMAN, of course! Because what the hell kind of parody would this be without irritating cameos? WELL?!?!

"Hi," said Spiderman. "I'd just thought I'd tell you that the author is currently playing Ultimante Spiderman while writing this (hoorah for multi-tasking!) and that's why I'm here. Um... yah. Who wants nachos?"

"GET OUT OF YOU YOU FUCKER!!" the narrator screamed. The narrator will now be refered to as "the narrator" even though she is no longer the narrator. Fuck my English teacher, I say _yes_ to randomly changing perspective in the middle of the story! _Fight the power!_

"Uuumm... no. I'm supposed to read this first," Spiderman held up a sheet of paper. "EHEM. Now, people, I ask you, _WHAT IF_ I and Nny got into a fight? Who would win? Any votes?"

"Nny'd win! He'd kick your ass!" said somone who popped out from behind the narrator's couch.

"I dunno... Spiderman's got all these super powers..." said someone who popped out from behind the TV.

"AH, but remember, Nny has super powers too!" said someone who popped out from under the rug. (Woah, dude, this is _really_ creepy. Where are these people COMING from?!)

"Hmmm... true. Sorry dude, but Nny would probably disembowel you with his eyes closed," said the TV guy sympathetically.

"Um...hey," said Nny who had magically appeared in the middle of the room for no reason. Everyone looked at him for a second, before he just kind of left.

"OKAY, THAT'S IT, EVERYBODY _OUT!_" the narrator screamed, still covering her boobs.

To make a long story short, everybody left.

The narrator sighed and laid her head back down on the pillow.

_I should get some sleep._

That thought ran though my head and almost immediately a new vioce invaded my mind.

_**No! Sleep only brings uncertainty! **_The vioce was of a strange and confused man… he sounds eerily familiar…

The narrator looked towards the window in her bedrom, and found Nny was whispering stuff at her through the glass. When he'd caught her looking, he ran away. Far, far away.

The narrator sat there looking stupid for a second, before the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer it and found Nny standing there looking embarassed. "Er," he began, "I think I left my coat here."

"You seem familiar..." the narrator told him. "Like an old friend I haven't seen in five years. But that's silly, I'm twenty, I'd have to have met you when I was fifteen! Ha!"

_**Laugh not at that which you can not prove to be wrong, Melidean!**_

"Okay, _stop_ that," Melidean (the narrator) said angerly. Nny had been whispering in her ear. He stepped back, embarassed again.

"How do you know my name?" Melidean gasped after Nny stopped being a moron.

"I know you because... I _am_ you," Nny said creepilly. Twilight Zone music played in the backround.

"HA HA YOU'RE QUOTING ME!!" laughed Jimmy, as he streaked across the room naked. Johnny got out a rifle and shot a hole in his big, ugly head.

"I thought you hated guns!" said someone who popped out from behind the bed. Nny shot a hole in head, too. Do not contradict thy sexy man's actions.

Nny then looked towards Melidean. "I'm your old preschool buddy! Hiyah!" he chirpped, waving at her.

Miledean blinked several times in an unnatural manner then rubbed her eyes to make sure she can see correctly. "Dude... I'm sorry, but I can't remember back, like twenty years. So get the hell out of my house. How do I know you aren't some freak rapist?"

FLASHBACK!

"Googagoogy!" said Melidean as a little baby, and played with some blocks.

"_NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!_" screamed baby Nny, as he chased several children with a screwdriver in the backround. Then he made a poopy in his pants.

FLASHBACK OVER!

There was a short pause as everybody thought about their lovely childhood memories.

"You have a weird name," Nny said suddenly.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

Then it just got awkward.

"Why are you standing in the doorway naked?" Nny asked. "I honestly don't want to see that much of you."

"Ah... or _DO_ you?" Miledean asked him.

"No. Get some fuckin' pants on."

And she did! It was lovely!

"Ummmm... Okaaaay... There isn't any Nny/Devi in this," Miledean commented. "Did you notice?"

"Yeah. I also noticed that Barney is behind you, making obscene gestures at your ass."

"Let's ignore that for now."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO! SHUT UP!"

"LET'S SING BLUE OCTOBER!"

"NO!"

"WHY?!"

"LALALA!!"

"BLOOBYBLOO!" said Nny as he got out a giant axe and chopped her into a thousand peices.

Then Devi came out of nowhere and started making out with Nny. Then they started rolling on the floor and blah blah blah NO PORN HERE, FOLKS!

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

Itw as Miledean's alarm clock.

She stared in disbelief at the ceiling. _It was all a dream?! But… It seemed so real! How else could Nny have been so... oh yah. Nevermind. _

She then raised her arms and flew away.

"Well, where to go now…" she thought out loud to herself as she flew down the side walk. _789? No. _She continued on. _787…no. 785? Old people! No. I'm a difficult bitch. I'm impossible to please. That's while I've been single for sixteen years._

She came to house number 777. _Hmm… I don't think I've met these people yet. Might as well go say hi!_

The walk way is rather odd, there's a sign that says "keep off the loose soil, it's impolite to walk on the dead." And the door bell has "just go ahead, try and ring me." Written on it. _Very welcoming._

Despite the warnings otherwise she placed the box of her remaining positions to her left and rung the door bell.

"Yess…?" A vioce asks from behind the door.

"Um, I'm your neighbor, and I was wondering if you could help me with something." She made up on the spot.

A skinny, sickly, figure opens the door. He stares at me speechless for a moment, as do I him. Then he says, "I was talking to my rabbit today and he told me that the past-tense for cry is crew. It isn't crew."

"...!?"

"What? It isn't crew. It's cried. Can I lick your ear?"

And then she left. This story wasn't going the way she had planned. Miledean had imagined somthing along the lines of every conversation ending with someone's virginity being lost repeatedly.

"WAIT!" Nny called. "I HAVE MUFFINS!"

"GET LOST!"

"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SQUIRREL POOP? iF YOU HAVE, HOW HAS IT CHANGED YOUR LIFE? FOR BETTER OR WORSE? ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!!"

MORAL: Never attempt a relationship Nny. It ain't goin' nowhere, girl.


End file.
